jexia: (Default)
jexia ([personal profile] jexia) wrote2014-10-08 12:16 pm
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LJ Idol Week 24 - Cupertino effect

Chaz gritted her teeth around her E-Cig3000TM, and toyed idly with the glass in front of her. It didn't matter how the ads bleated "Just like the real thing!", an e-cig just wasn't the same as sucking down a soothing mouthful of smoke. There wasn't much choice, since cigarettes had been outlawed in the Nestlé Health Reform Act of 2031, but today, of all days, she missed them.

She took another disparaging sip of the whisky-flavoured SynthacolTM in her glass, single malt being another victim of the NHRA. A grim chuckle escaped her lips as she contemplated the lack of legal options for a self-loathing police detective. Another chuckle escaped, even grimmer this time, as she contemplated the fact that she'd have to start phrasing it as "A self-loathing ex-police detective." She drained her glass.

Tom, well-accustomed to the moods of his best customer, slid her another drink. She came here mostly because of Tom- the quiet, reliable, humanness of him. Most bars used robots these days. Oh, they were good at the job: accurate, fast, and gave counselling and advice just like the best bartenders used to... but she could never quite quell the sneaky feeling that the conversations were filed away and reported on.

"Rough day?" he asked, his busy hands wiping and stacking glasses.

Chaz grunted sardonically and gestured with her head towards the wall, where the state-mandated screens flashed their frantic images, though thankfully silenced. Gruesome scenes of an explosion looped, sandwiched between advertising for SynthacolTM, ChatterBotsTM and Friend in a BoxTM. The crowded stadium exploded and collapsed again and again, now in slow-motion, now in high-def, now zoomed in on some detail better left to the imagination. Presumably some newscaster was adding breathless commentary, maybe heaping scorn on the incompetence of the police department.

On her incompetence.

"The Edenmatic Stadium? You were involved in that?" he asked.

Chaz nodded.

Tom set a glass heavily on the bar. "It's... awful."

She nodded again, and downed a large swallow of "whisky". Tom opened his mouth as if to speak, but a pack of student-types rolled in the door, blathering about how charming and quaint it was to see a real live bartender. "Hamsters" or something, they called themselves. Tom hurried to serve them.

It's not like she could talk about it, anyway. There'd be an investigation, of course. All her stellar work (and it had been the best, hardest, most intense case in her career), wasted by one mistake. And the people... oh, the people.

Chaz emptied her glass, and brooded over the last, painstaking, 14 months. An informant had overheard a careless remark in an automated McDunkFryHutTM kiosk, and from there, meticulous undercover work had got her an intro to the terrorist network.

She'd done things she didn't quite like to contemplate in order to prove herself, with grudging approval from her police superiors. Eventually she'd earned their respect enough to be granted one of the communication devices she recognised from her childhood, an IPH1-6. Apparently the leader believed in "security via obscurity"; enough comm-hubs around the city supported the obsolete protocol that it worked, though occasionally you had to go for a bit of a wander.

They didn't completely trust her - they didn't completely trust anyone - and the cell structure of the group had kept her fairly restricted, but her knack for piecing things together had kept her on the trail to the top. Something big was going to happen, and it was going to be soon.

The trail had led to the 364th floor of the ExxonMobilSaatchi enviro-habitat, and a dingy room where the leader stared at his IPH1. She'd burst in the door, her back-up behind her, and stunned him. The device had chimed as he dropped it to the floor, and she'd scooped it up and read the screen. "ED-STAD G2G, ETA 1 MIN" it read, labelled with the codename of someone she knew had been purchasing very suspicious equipment. "R WE ON?"

With shaking hands she'd holstered her weapon. Her sweaty fingers had skittered across the screen, and it took a couple of attempts to hit the right keys and hit "Send". As the "Checking... Sending..." message blinked, she'd suddenly realised what the message now read. She'd collapsed to the floor in horror, a mere moment before an enormous flash and bang lit the room from outside.

"NO." "ON." So close. So wrong.

[identity profile] penpusher.livejournal.com 2014-10-09 05:19 am (UTC)(link)
If only they hadn't moved the headphone jack to the bottom! Damn you headphone jack!!!

A fun and funny futuristic bit of folklore.

[identity profile] adoptedwriter.livejournal.com 2014-10-09 11:47 am (UTC)(link)
Cool future story! AW

[identity profile] beeker121.livejournal.com 2014-10-09 05:58 pm (UTC)(link)
After a day like that cigarettes and whiskey do seem like the only choice.

This is a great take on the prompt, nicely done.

[identity profile] beeker121.livejournal.com 2014-10-09 06:36 pm (UTC)(link)
You can! I like the additional information about her time undercover, it shows us more of what she sacrificed to get that close and makes the ending a bit more heartbreaking. And introducing the phones a bit earlier with an explanation helps your ending. Nice edits, they made a strong piece even stronger.

[identity profile] rayaso.livejournal.com 2014-10-09 07:40 pm (UTC)(link)
This was very clever and lots of fun to read. I loved your use of current business names/products modified for the future.

[identity profile] rayaso.livejournal.com 2014-10-09 11:33 pm (UTC)(link)
I've never heard of this -- can you tell me a little more?

[identity profile] rayaso.livejournal.com 2014-10-09 11:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Rats! I missed that. Very clever of you!

[identity profile] gratefuladdict.livejournal.com 2014-10-09 08:00 pm (UTC)(link)
*winces* That one hurt. It was a good hurt, though.

[identity profile] roina-arwen.livejournal.com 2014-10-09 09:25 pm (UTC)(link)
It's the simplest things that have the worst effect sometimes! Well written. :)

[identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com 2014-10-10 05:42 am (UTC)(link)
I don't quite understand what the text at the end means, but I enjoyed this story all the same!

ChatterBotsTM and Friend in a BoxTM.
The future is here, and it is ghastly. Robot bartenders, too, make for an atmosphere that is not appreciably better than drinking at home!

[identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com 2014-10-10 06:24 am (UTC)(link)
3rd paragraph from the end. I have no idea what that text meant, except for the countdown to something bad.

I'm not sure what a ChatterBot might be, just certain that I would not want to spend time with one!

[identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com 2014-10-10 03:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, oh! Sorry. The "Edenmatic" kind of fell right out of my head after I'd seen it. That makes complete sense now, thanks!

[identity profile] kickthehobbit.livejournal.com 2014-10-10 07:09 am (UTC)(link)
Nice use of the Cupertino Effect, and I liked the details about setting—well-done. :D
ext_12410: (misc fic)

[identity profile] tsuki-no-bara.livejournal.com 2014-10-10 02:49 pm (UTC)(link)
oh man, of all the mistakes to make.... i really like the bits of corporate-owned future in this - even acts of government are corporate-sponsored! - and the "hamsters", heh. the details are great and the story builds really well.
meridian_rose: pen on letter background  with text  saying 'writer' (Default)

[personal profile] meridian_rose 2014-10-10 05:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Very good, lots of really valid fears about creeping Puritanism, technology overtaking human usefulness (I'm certain the robot bartenders are reporting every single word back to whoever is really in charge in this dystopia), and the rise of the corporate conglomerate.

The end though? Ouch. What a terrible mistake - or was it a predictive text fault? If only she'd written something like "Abort" instead of plain "no"!

[identity profile] mallorys-camera.livejournal.com 2014-10-10 06:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Loved your product names. Good job.

[identity profile] theun4givables.livejournal.com 2014-10-10 06:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Ohhhh noooooo.

[identity profile] watching-ships.livejournal.com 2014-10-10 10:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Ahhh! No!

Really enjoyed reading this :)

[identity profile] dmousey.livejournal.com 2014-10-12 02:19 am (UTC)(link)
Very conceivable. Very scary.

Nice ink spill here, kid. I think you're on to something. :)

[identity profile] alycewilson.livejournal.com 2014-10-13 12:02 am (UTC)(link)
Ouch! Great take on the prompt, taking it literally but still making it fresh and interesting.

[identity profile] karmasoup.livejournal.com 2014-10-13 04:52 am (UTC)(link)
Okay, I didn't even know where this was going by the time I got to Friend-In-A-Box, and I was already sold! And the HAMSTER hipsters - PRICELESS!!!

Amazing what a difference the correct order can make, ain't it?

It's a tragedy, so, I really shouldn't be laughing, but, it didn't really happen, so, I'm forgiven, yes? ;)

[identity profile] karmasoup.livejournal.com 2014-10-13 05:23 am (UTC)(link)
Okay, and THAT wins the internet for the day!

[identity profile] uncawes.livejournal.com 2014-10-14 02:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Shame the IPH1-6 didn't have an "oops" key
I'm surprised it lasted this long without bending :)

Nice take on all those future business names. Have you seen the future documentary 'Idiocracy' - brought to you by Carl's Jr? It's hilarious, like your story (except the oops), but not safe for while the kids are awake