Interesting that you should ask about that because this piece DID have me thinking about physical descriptors. Yes I think you could try more physical describing. It doesn't have to be over-the-top, but casual. Several of the descriptors you used for Sheryl simply did not work for me - the hippy-artist-grandmotherly type is a good example. This is "lazy" writing - I want to SEE what a hippy artist grandmother looks like? Is her grey hair locked? Is she wearing glass beaded jewelry? Is she wearing a vegetable-dyed linen shift? Does she have vintage posters of The Skyhooks hanging in the cafe?
And this confused me - The couches were shabby, with that embracing softness that makes it so hard to leave. Just like Sheryl. Is Sheryl "shabby"?
If you want to run some subtle descriptors by me, post 'em and I'll read 'em! :)
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branchandroot
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Date: 2014-12-09 08:40 pm (UTC)And this confused me - The couches were shabby, with that embracing softness that makes it so hard to leave. Just like Sheryl. Is Sheryl "shabby"?
If you want to run some subtle descriptors by me, post 'em and I'll read 'em! :)